My heart is aching...till today

On 24 nov 2008, I recieved a missed call from my favourite cousin who is also my personal insurance agent. I thought she is calling me to meet up for our long lost time dinner gathering so i told myself that i will return call when i am free to call. Who knows shortly after, sms came in.

Thinking it could be DD, i decided to take a quick look. But it wasn't a quick look. I took about 30sec, scanning through the words i recieved, couldn't believe what i am reading and trying very hard to absorb the sentence jie sent me.

Its read "My father-in-law pass away today will be at "address" for 5 days"..I drop everything onto my table and fall back to seat. I tried to call jie but her line is engaged. I called my mum but my dad pick up the phone. I broke the news to him but he sounds very calm and said come back then talk. I was shocked that my parent is so calm & steady.

Then jie returned my call but i don't know where to start. When i know what to ask, jie says she had to go as lots of thing need to settle. I told her i will see her the next day.

Back home, everyone was alseep. I wonder did they make any planning to go to the funeral. Finally, mum called at noontime & ask if i wanted to go. Of course i wanted, that is needless to ask, i snorted back my mum.

Meeting mum & pa, we went into the void deck together & we burned joss stick & say prayer to Yi Zhang. The moment i called out, my tear rolls and it starts to roll now. I like this Yi Zhang very much. Because whenever we visited him especially during our young times, he is always so happy and bubbly. I alwae like to go to his home that why i am kind of close to my this cousine (jie).

Tonight, Mum & Pa ask me to take a rest and they will go down themselves. They will take me agin tml night and will stay till late as that will be the last night and i will never see him again. In fact, even now I can only see his photo because the coffin had already nailed. Yi Zhang did not make-up so he is not suitable for viewing.

Yi Zhang, I just want to tell you that i want you to drink my marrige tea. I want to get bless from you but i know I will not have this chance anymore because you are gone. I am going to miss you in my heart, Yi Zhang.

So cranky that I wonder why

Its already been 2 weeks. My mood is still so unstable. I am just so unhappy about something but i do not know what is it? All i know is i just keeping throwing my temper around esp to DD.

Nothing suit my ear. I can't say i am not being loved. I can't say no one care about me. Maybe the care and love is sonething not i really wants. Please don't ask me what is then i wanted because i do not know the answer too.

Sometime i just feel so pathetic. Why do i have to beg for something while other don't have to. Oftenly, i need to blow up in order to get what i want or the attention i need. But when i gets it, i find that i do not want it anymore. Is this because i get it through hardship or because there isn't love in it anymore as i need to ask for it instead of being surprised by it.

I always reminded myself to be happy go lucky. But will this character bring to a wrong impression of me that i am always alright with anything and everything. I can be a cheerful person but this doesn't mean i can always compromised with anything. I used to be very good at bottled up feeling but now i could not remeber how to.I show all out in my face. Wonder what had got into me. Is this the real me or i just trying to be somebody and who will it be?

I am still cranky and i am still wonder why......

Surprise with Ben & Jerry

DD must be regretting telling me he is eating my favourite ben & jerry ice-cream when i called him that day. I left me with no mercy even though he mentioned that he nearly do not have the chance to eat ben & jerry. But thanks to his luck and his goody colleagues, he still get to eat and the best is when i called him for something which i cannot remember what is it for now...hahaha

I cannot imagine that i am actually blowing up my temper because he is having that Ben & Jerry and i am not..haha..I even go to the extend to say no wonder many times i "begging" for high-graded ice-cream, i always being rejected. Now i start to understand why because he oftens get the chance to have it therefore he will not understanding my feeling of longing for it for ages..

With such situation, I decided to "teach" him a lesson. I give him 25cts face to show i am very upset and i give him cold shoulder just because he ate that Ben & Jerry! You must be thinking i am very unreasonable right and start to feel sorry for my DD right?..

Hahaha...Please don't fall into his trap. Many times when i reacted this way, it doesn't move him at all. I will not get what i want. So i was thinking since all this while nothing happen, he will not soothe or calm me down, why should i give in and pretend i will be fine after awhile..

But this time i am wrong, double triple wrong. As usual, we had our weekday dinner. Though i still bother over the ben & jerry but i still want to meet him cos i want to continue throwing temper at him over the Ben & Jerry..haha..As i will be abit late and he is bring along the vacuum mug for my office use which i had requested from him, so he travel from his office to my office.

Upon seeing him, i give him 25cts face immediately. But very soon, My expression turns to surprise & happiness. BECAUSE in that mug, he pulled out my favourite BEN & JERRY. Me happy like crazy. And while walking to our dinning place, i eating away the ice-cream like a small kids, enjoying away and of course i did share with my SWEET DD too la..

Sometime, it really make me think and wonder when he adores me and when he feel that my request is far too much for him to adores me .Though there are times when i will never gets what i want but somehow he will use another method to show it.

After all, no one is prefect and i think i should glad enough that he is still by my side to tolerate my sudden nonsense and my unreasonable crankiness.

Take a walk. A long walk

Last sunday, our usual gym club was doing the "change of management" reno. And so, our usual class was shift to Vivo and start 1/2 an hours earlier.

As both of us have been thinking of experience the southern ridges which we had heard from the media, therefore we decided to take this opportunity to give a try. Unlike from the past, we always will find time to do some research on the places we planning to invade, this time we did nothing so we played by heart.

After lunch, we start to looking for the starting point. After quite awhile we found it and realised that quite a number of people are also like us.

This is only part 1 . We ended our walk at Hort Park and took a bus back to the club and took another shower then heading home, snoozing away.

Below are some of the fotos we took along the way.

Map of the southern ridges

The star of the attraction - we wanting to experience the thrill

This view was taken from Faber walk - Jewel Box

We took about 30 mins to reach the next point - Henderson Waves

Can you see the waves? This wave bridge will light up daily, 7pm - 2am

Forest walk. Took about 30mins to reach. See how small i am and with my head uplift. this will tell you where is the camera man and fyi, the standard camera has already zoomed in.

Still the Forest Walk. I wonder how are all these being built up..

another 30mins walk, we reached the Alexandra Arch.

5mins later, the shortest time of all to reach the next and the last point for the day-The HortPark.

We decided to end our journey here as the sun is getting ultimate hot and we are damn smelly.

The rest of the southern ridges will be continued when "toto" strike!....hahaha